Healing Through Friendship, Sports and Service Dogs

On July 31, 2024, SPCG presented a workshop at the National Organization for Victim Advocacy (NOVA) conference in Washington, D.C. The following is a summary of the presentation delivered by Donna (CEO) and MJ (Intimate Partner Violence Advisor) from the SPCG founders' team

WARNING – THIS ARTICLE MENTIONS SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

“We cannot get back what being raped, harassed, and abused cost us, but we can make sure [...] we are not defined by what happened to us” - Donna Van Leusden

MJ & Donna: Their Stories

At the age of 16, MJ knew she wanted to join the Canadian Military. She joined the Reserves with parental consent. By 17, she learned how to roll with the punches. However, her journey took a dark turn when she was assaulted by an instructor. She felt guilty, shameful, and alone. The fear of punishment loomed over her, making her feel trapped. Yet, she persevered.

MJ

Determined to change the world for Canadian women in the military, MJ remustered as a Regular Force Officer Cadet and was accepted into the Royal Military College of Canada (RMC). There, she learned from other female cadets how to lock her door at night with a coat hanger to avoid assault. Despite the intimidation, groping, and threats, she powered through and became one of the first female Artillery Officers in the Canadian Military.

While at the RMC, MJ met a man she thought was different. Unfortunately, he was not. Feeling trapped, she married him. Shortly after graduating, she sustained an injury that forced her to retire medically. Just like that, her career was over before it even began. MJ became a military spouse, feeling unable to escape an abusive marriage. With two children who also became victims of abuse, she felt isolated and ashamed to reach out for help.

After 15 tumultuous years, everything changed on February 12, 2012. Her husband loaded a firearm and threatened to end their lives. Terrified, MJ and her children fled the house, leaving behind their dog, Barley, who thankfully managed to hide and survive. Finally, MJ had done it. She was free. They were alive.

Donna's journey began similarly. She joined the military at 17, hoping for employment and education. She admits she was not a good soldier at first, but she learned. She learned field craft and weapons training but also how to navigate a hostile environment. At 20, she was raped but chose not to tell anyone. Resigning from the military, she felt her dreams and future had died.

Feeling broken and lost, Donna married a man she thought would be protective. However, he revealed a sinister side. In 2006, she had a daughter and began to worry about her child’s future in the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF). Determined to make a difference, she returned to the CAF, believing that being older and a mother would protect her from the same fate she had suffered as a cadet.

Things seemed better until she was sexually assaulted at the base gym. The military police removed the aggressor, but the support she expected vanished. Alone and traumatized, she faced the aftermath of her assault.

Donna

The Healing Journey: Paw Prints

In 2016, Donna decided to puppy raise a service dog sponsored by Wounded Warriors Canada. His name was Ortona. She discovered how beneficial a service dog could be when he helped her during a breakdown at physical training. Ortona gave her the strength to admit she needed help. Little did she know, she would leave the CAF six years later.

Ortona

At a Wounded Warrior Canada event, Donna met MJ. Donna was in uniform, and MJ felt scared and out of place. However, her curiosity about the puppy led her to approach Donna. They kept in touch, and MJ was inspired to train her own service dog, Barley, who helped her manage PTSD symptoms until his passing in 2020.

Barley

Through their conversations, Donna and MJ discovered they shared a horrifying connection: a history with the same predator. This revelation deepened their bond and friendship.

Why Not? The Invictus Games Experience

Both MJ and Donna, while on their healing journeys, decided to represent Canada in the 2018 Invictus Games. They made the team and prepared for the event together. They trained in various sports, including archery and wheelchair basketball, pushing themselves to be ready for the competition.

Donna & MJ

Tragedy struck when Donna's mother fell ill. During a swim race, Donna experienced an anxiety episode and missed the start. MJ joined her in the pool, and together they finished the race, receiving cheers from the crowd. Donna's mother passed away before she could return home.

Their experience at the Invictus Games transformed them. They became healthier and more confident. MJ rediscovered her passion for art, creating the piece “Determined Hope,” which represented Canada and toured Australia alongside the Invictus Games. Art became an essential part of her healing journey.

Unfortunate Subject Matter Experts: Creating SPCG

In 2021, MJ and Donna, along with two other female veterans, founded SPCG. They aimed to use their experiences to change the culture that had harmed them. They wanted to teach others how to support survivors effectively. Their mission is clear: being raped should not cost someone their career. Over 3,000 participants from military and other uniform services have taken The Front-Line Workshop.

Donna is currently training a new service dog, Dakota. The challenges they faced have strengthened their friendship and resilience. They have witnessed the worst in people but have also found the best. Their journey proves that survivors are capable and resilient, becoming leaders in a strong and inclusive force for change.

In conclusion, the stories of MJ and Donna highlight the importance of survivor-led transformation. Their experiences remind us that real change comes from lived experiences. By sharing their journeys, they empower others to seek help and support survivors effectively. Together, they are building a community that values healing, resilience, and hope.