So that was a lot. Like many of you, I needed to take a breath and process a little.

First off, of course, if the judge did not feel the Crown proved its case, then the only possible decision they can make is not guilty. Not guilty is not the same as innocent, but that is neither here nor there.

Let me say now — I believe EM, and I stand with her. Sexual assault remains a ridiculously hard crime to prosecute. I could give reasons why — victim-blaming, not understanding trauma, good old-fashioned misogyny — but today I am tired. I am watching what is happening in the world, and I am tired. I spoke to an incredibly learned woman today — decades of experience in gender and peace studies. Years of educating militaries on how to do their job with respect and dignity.

And they are soon to be out of a job because of what is going on in the U.S.

I know a little about what it took EM to go through this — the self-doubt, the rationalizing that you are “okay” with what happened, the final acceptance that you were victimized, that you were not in control, that you were prey. It is so hard to come to that place. It feels weak. It feels wrong.

Especially when we have spent lifetimes being told that if we hold our keys like Wolverine, we will be safe.

We are not safe.

We are not safe until the world stops seeing us as commodities.

Until we are not prizes to be earned.

EM — I am sorry. I am sorry that the world was not ready to witness the courage it took to get you on that stand. That you may now struggle to see any value in ripping yourself open in court.

Years ago, I had a charge that resulted in an arrest. That made it all the way to court before it was dismissed. This was not a shock, there was no physical evidence and a lot of time and other factors in the wash.

I was asked “Was it worth it?”

Every day for over 20 years I thought about my offender. In my darker days I would remember how I was carefully chosen, set-up, separated, and then finally attacked. It was strategically planned. I am not the woman, mother, wife, sister, daughter, officer that I COULD have been. I can guarantee he did not think of me once.

I doubt he remembered my name.

Until he was arrested, charged, and facing court. I bet he thought of me then. I bet he thought about me when he had to tell his family, hire a lawyer, worry about headlines.

EM, what you did mattered. It mattered to me, and it mattered to others.

We see you.

We hear you.

We believe you.